As the first snows of Winter blow in from the North, I find myself sitting in a cupboard of a bedroom on Hutton Hall Avenue, ready to start another week of doing what I do. Some weeks ago now a good friend of mine set to work to revamp the old Floydsdad webpage, and the page you are looking at now, is the result of all his hard work. I love it , 4000 and something people have looked at it, 17 people have been wonderful enough to take the time to register and join in the fun,(it takes 1 minute, so go on, please join us!).  I love checking, as I do every day to see if I have a new follower,or better still a comment. I am sure I speak for all of us who sit and type once in a while, it really makes you feel warm in the heart when one of you good people give us a nugget of recognition. So thank you !

This post went a touch 'Belly-Up' during the switch over between pages, so I have spent the last few hours trying as best I can to restore it to it's former glory… I have checked the 'preview' and it looks OK, but then again, it did the last time I tried to revamp it !!

Please take a while to read this baby, it's one of my favourites, and I hope you like it to. If you do, tell your friends, maybe over coffee tomorrow morning. I have a few little 'gifts' to give away, and so if anyone signs up on the webpage tomorrow, they will be getting one !!

Anyway, it is about 2 or three weeks after our return from Turkey, and the riots have just died down…. read on my friends, read on .. :@)

 

Well a very good evening to you all !

Firstly, if you have been kind enough to read the 'Floydsdad In Turkey' page, then thank you very much. Secondly, if you have been kind enough to leave a comment, then thank-you even more. My girls are still adamant that they have the upper hand in the 'Dad is a Geek' debate, so, if you know of someone who hasn't read it, and might like to, then please tell your 'tweeps', 'fellow face-tubers' and even the person sat next to you on the bus tomorrow ! I think I need to get into triple figures on the 'Facetube' thing to prove once and for all that I am approaching 'cool' status.

Anyway, I digress ! Back to the topic in hand. I mentioned whilst baking in the sun last week about finding a gap in the market, and I am just the man to fill it. As our country has spent the last 4 days ripping itself to pieces, I might bring the whole thing forward and jump ship now.

One afternoon we strolled out to the 'Welcome Bar' for a refreshing afternoon beverage. As is the norm in Turkey, by entering someones cafe or restaurant you are subliminally signalling to them that you want to blow all your spending money, cash in your ISA's and give them the keys to your flat. So, despite only ordering two waters, myself and Mrs FD found ourself scouring the menu, trying to look interested, and making small talk about how we 'definitely will come down one night'. Of course we never did return. Partly because the owner stood over us the whole time we were there, waiting for one of to even think of being 'peckish', and partly because the menu was bizarre !

 

Mehmet, (that might not be his name, but it adds a little atmosphere to the story) had clearly opened his cafe, scribbled out his menu, and then gone to his pot-washer and said, 'Translate that into English !'. I don't have the time to list all the glitches on his menu, but the one which caught the eye most, and which made me spray my water over Mrs FD, was for the soup. 'Day of the Soup' sounds like some 1950's B-list horror movie. You can picture the scene as wave upon wave of bowls of Minestrone, on 30ft mechanical stilts, march down the streets of London, spraying the fleeing masses with bits of carrot and scalding pasta. (Well, you might not, but believe me, it could happen!)

 

 

Having explained to Mehmet that we weren't laughing at him, or his 'killer broth', we headed for home, but the seed had been sown. Surely I could make a killing correcting all the mistakes in the menus of the resort. As I started to scour the area for more examples. I soon realised I might have bitten off more than I could chew. The translation gaffes were everywhere, and not just food related. I figured it would provide a purpose to my week however and carried on searching. Those of you who have read the tale of our trip to Maveshir will have heard about my poor choice of food that night. I fear it could have been a more eventful night had I ordered the 'Speed Omlette' or the 'Big Chiz Bugger',(although I would probably have missed the sunset!).

 

 

 

And so the quest began ! To be fair, there are loads and loads of spelling mistakes, but my Turkish isn't strong enough to poke fun at those, so here are just a few to hopefully bring a smile to your face ! First up, thanks to everyone at 'Bar One' for giving us the quandary one night of having to choose between the 'Home Made Chicken' or presumably some genetically modified bird…

 

 

 

And how about those of you who fancy Fish ? If you have ever tried to order food at a restaurant in Turkey that sells fish, then you will be aware that, as it is generally the most expensive thing on the menu, they try to push it. And most of them roll both the best fish into one sentence, so they will say "Tonight the fish is very fresh, Sea Bass Sea Bream… this place however didn't push the rest of the items…

 

 

 

 

Those of you that voted in the 'Which inedible soup should we get him to eat?' poll, will know that I was relieved when I found out that they had just sold the last bowl of 'Brain Soup',(seriously they did !). You can imagine then the wry smile I gave when I saw my replacement was 'Boiled Speeps Head and Troiters'

 

 

 

 

This place has been opened since 1970, so they have had 41 years for someone to point out this is not quite correct. Why would you commision an elaborate mosaic mural without proof reading it first ?

 

 

 

Now at this point, I took it upon myself to scour the world wide web for some more examples of Menu madness, and not surprisingly, the world of the Chinese Menu was a goldmine. This one is an absolute gem !!! … Anyone for "Chicken Rude and Unreasonable" ? Especially if you enjoyed the starter of, "Row wipes the Pear Flowering Quince Soup"…

And It is amazing how just one wrong word can completely change the whole theme of a menu. Now some of my best friends suffer from seafood allergies, I myself love the stuff… However I am not sure I would relish the crustaceans on offer at theis particular establishment…

And you would happily order any of the dishes off this menu…. wouldn't you ???

 

 

On the final day, I was despatched by Mrs FD to go and buy some detergent to replace the stuff we had used. I was actually told to buy the same stuff, but being a bloke, and seeing this in the shop, what was I supposed to do ? There is something so basal about 'Farting Gags' I can think of no man alive who would have gone for the 'Bold 2 in 1' when this was offer !!!

 

 

 

 

It's been 5 Months since the Turkey trip, and I am still on the look-out for things that are quite literally 'lost in translation' !. Just this week whilst on the streets of Manchester, I came across a wonderful stall by the Arndale Centre. A fine selection of Oriental goods were on offer, some of which I have tried, and some of which, I might just give a miss…

 

 

 

And in the highly unlikey event of me buying a sachet of 'Cock Flavour Soup MIx', then there is no way that I would ever consider buying a sachet of what was in the next basket along !! This has to be a joke !! ..

Anyway, I would love to stay and chat, but unfortunately we have to order…